Asked to Sing at a Wedding? How to Choose the Song, and What to Ask First

If you have been asked to sing at a wedding, settle three things before you pick a song: which moment of the day it is for, how long it can run, and what the officiant and venue allow. Then choose a song that fits that moment, sits comfortably in your voice and holds up when the room gets emotional. The order matters. A song you have rehearsed for weeks can be ruled out by one email from a church.

This guide is for friends and family who sing, and for working singers. It uses U.S. sources. It is general information, not legal or religious advice.

Ask first: six questions

• Which moment is it? A wedding has several: the prelude while guests arrive, the processional, the main entrance, a unity or signing moment, the recessional and the reception.
• How long can it run? Ask for a time, not a feeling, and count your song from the first note, including any intro.
• What does the officiant allow? Ask the officiant, music director or venue coordinator before you rehearse, and before you contact any other musician.
• Live accompaniment or a track? Some places require live musicians, and some have no power or sound system.
• Will it be filmed or streamed? That is a separate use of the music. See the rights section below.
• Who runs the sound, and when can you test it? Ask for a sound check in the room.

What a church may require

Rules differ from place to place, and the examples we read are Catholic, so ask your own officiant. They still show what to expect. Sacred Heart Cathedral in Rochester says its wedding music must be suitable for use in the Catholic Church, so "no secular music is permitted," and that the music "should not be viewed as entertainment."

Wedding guidelines posted by a parish in the Diocese of Rockville Centre quote the document Sing to the Lord (paragraph 220): "Secular music, even though it may emphasize the love of the spouses for one another, is not appropriate for the Sacred Liturgy." They also say "Recorded music is not permitted." The Pro-Cathedral of the Assumption tells couples not to contact soloists until the music director has discussed their ideas, and says secular or popular music is better suited to the reception.

Match the song to the moment

WeddingWire's guide to ceremony music describes the moments. The prelude plays while guests arrive and can last about 20 to 30 minutes, so it needs several songs. The processional wants a rhythm that matches a natural walking pace. The main entrance, which the guide calls the bride's entrance, traditionally brings a new song with a bit more drama. The recessional should be upbeat and joyful. The guide also notes that a ritual or a transition may need music, and it mentions a friend or relative with musical talent for those moments.

If you are the friend with the voice, the interlude is often your moment: a unity ritual, a reading or a signing. We suggest a slower song of two to four minutes for that. A prelude set wants quiet, warm songs that are easy on your voice, since you may sing several. A recessional or reception wants something upbeat.

Pick a song you can still sing when you are moved

Weddings are emotional, and emotion can make it hard to sing steadily. Choose a key a little below your limit, so the top note is not your highest. Sing the song three times in a row at full voice, then once softly. Our guide to finding the key of a song shows how to count the steps. Our guide to choosing a song to honor someone you have lost has a plan B for when emotion catches you mid-song, and it works at weddings too.

Read every verse before you say yes. Some songs sound romantic in the chorus and turn out to be about longing or loss. Check the words against the couple's story and the room: guests of all ages, any religious readings and the officiant's tone.

Rights, in plain words

The Copyright Act says to perform a work "publicly" means to perform it at a place open to the public, or at any place where a substantial number of persons outside of a normal circle of a family and its social acquaintances is gathered. A small gathering of family and friends sits more naturally on the private side of that line. A venue open to the public, a very large guest list or a livestream may not. Our guide to licensing songs to perform live explains who usually holds the performing-rights licenses at a venue.

If the ceremony will be filmed, the video is a separate use of the music, so ask the couple's videographer how they handle it. Our guide to using a licensed song in a video explains the difference. For anything beyond a live performance, ask a music attorney.

If the couple wants a song nobody else has

A familiar song is the safe choice when the couple asks for one. If they want something nobody else has heard, licensing an original is another route. On Starchild you can hear each song in different styles and voices, change the key and tempo live, and duck the demo vocal to sing over it. A license covers performing the song live, and every license comes with a certificate naming the writers. Start with wedding songs, browse romantic songs or songs with vocals, and read about an original song for your first dance.

The week-before checklist

• Confirm the moment, the time and the song with the couple in writing.
• Confirm with the officiant or venue that the song and the accompaniment are allowed.
• Print the lyrics and the cue points, and bring two copies.
• If you use a track, load it on two devices and carry a cable.
• Do a sound check in the room, at the same time of day if you can.
• Rest your voice the day before. The NIDCD advises you to avoid speaking or singing when your voice is hoarse or tired.
• Agree a plan B with your accompanist: a nod to repeat the last line, or to stop and start again.

Sources

• WeddingWire: Wedding Ceremony Music 101
• Sacred Heart Cathedral, Rochester: Wedding Music Selection
• Pro-Cathedral of the Assumption: Wedding Music Planning
• Wedding Music/Liturgy Guidelines (parish PDF quoting the Diocese of Rockville Centre)
• U.S. Copyright Office: Title 17, Chapter 1 (Section 101 definitions)
• NIDCD: Taking Care of Your Voice